In this UNLAWYERLY. moments, Ramin discusses the importance of being there for children and why they are our biggest investments.
In this UNLAWYERLY. moments, Ramin discusses the importance of being there for children and why they are our biggest investments.
00:01
My daughter Alia, who I often refer to as Lele? She has this flower plant. That's a window one. That's one that Asia got for her and it's it's for kids. And basically, the way it works is, it's little pot, which is plastic, which you put some soil in it.
00:19
You got some seeds, you put that inside and then you prop it up against the window. Mainly because it allows the plan to be able to get some light. And so, as Aleia has been taken care of it. She realizes that, of course, it needs water. Needs to be monitored every day.
00:39
And so, she'll take our little plastic bottle that they came with and make sure every day that she's watering it. Now. I often have to remind her. Let's not over it over, water it. But every day she's like Papa we need to go water the plant and as she's been doing this and consistently taking care of it.
00:58
It's and the seats have been budding and it's been starting to grow into a plant and it's fascinating because as the light is coming in, it's providing at the nutrient. It's providing that things that it needs to grow. And then, of course, we're watering it. The reason why I bring that up is, you know, our kids are very much the same way as that plant, and I think Aleia has kind of a leg up in this game so to speak by taking care of this plant.
01:30
Because she's learning a lot of life, lessons, that maybe she does not realize it. Although given how I think sharp, she is maybe she does. So for this on loyally moment, I wanted to talk about why, I believe that kids are our biggest investments and turn. They're also one of our biggest tests, I will say this.
01:53
And I said this at the very forefront of the Instagram, real that I had created is, I do understand that there are a lot of people who are trying to conceive and for one reason or another, they haven't been able to. And then there are people who have decided, hey, you know, being a parent is not it for me.
02:11
And as I said before, God make it easy for those who are trying to conceive and haven't been able to. And if it's in their interest, whatever the case may be, may God allow them to conceive. And of course, to find peace otherwise, and for those who've realized that perhaps parenting or being a parent is not for them.
02:30
If they haven't found peace with it, make God allow them to find peace. I do love my kids a lot. I've made a lot of decisions centered around my children and wasn't always that case. You know, I think as were were, especially when we're in college or university, and as we're starting to work, one of the things that we're often told, hey, you invest in your 401 case into your IRAs invest, in your retirement accounts, of course, God knows where her social security is going to be, but that's for discussion is for another day.
03:06
But we are often told to invest in, you know, our retirement accounts, we're invest in our education, invest in our careers, invest in our professional growth, and our emotional growth, and our physical growth, and all of these things. And often. It's very individualistic, it's focused on that individual and where they are going at in life.
03:29
And I think it is very unique to Western culture. However, with globalization, of course, maybe a transcends beyond a certain geographical region, But the vast majority of the time, we are told to invest in these things. So that we can have a great life. We can have a good life and subtle.
03:47
The subtle message often is related to your children. The the investment that your children are and I'm not saying it, of course, from a monetary standpoint, I'm saying from the fact that these children are ultimately going to be the ones that are going to be the future workers, the future leaders that's cliche as that is the future community leaders, the future, the future parents.
04:14
I think that last one is, is very important, the future parents. And so, for those of us who have children, we do have to realize the responsibility and the importance of us playing a role as guides mentors to our children. And I'll also add this. Look, it's not just a mother and father figure.
04:38
There's uncles, there's cousins. There's grandparents, there's Godparents however, you want to make look at it So it's not necessarily the mom and dad. So to speak, I will be speaking about it from that perspective, because that's a perspective. I know Now as I had mentioned for me as I've gotten older I've realized the the importance of children, God willing we're about to have our fourth child so we have my oldest as a son.
05:05
I have two daughters and I have another daughter coming up and you know for the longest time the way that I looked at it was yes, my children were very important and one of the ways to do it for me, was to provide for them from a monetary standpoint.
05:20
And it's ironic because I felt that when I was younger, my my dad, he provided things for a monetary standpoint, but maybe he wasn't there. And of course, as I got older, I realized the complications of what happens when there's a civil war going on in the country in which you left and came to the US as refugees.
05:40
But obviously that took me growing up to realize that but it was ironic because I realized that that's what I was doing. I was providing all these things for my children, but the one thing that was the most expensive thing that I could or how to difficult time, trying to provide them was my time.
05:59
And it took experience to be able to realize that I was committing myself. Perhaps too much to my career, to my education, to my professional growth. And again, it's not that these things are bad but they were taking way time from from my kids. I remember when Aussia was at the crossroads of her career, This was around the time that we had our second child.
06:30
We were discussing whether or not, you know she should stay home full time, you know, be be a mom and that in itself is a bigger job than any other job that I can think of or be a dad. It's not necessarily related to one sex and one of the things that she did was she and she was working at the United States Institute of Peace.
06:51
She spoke with people who were there and just pick their brains. And a lot of these people were older individuals older and they're 50s and 60s consistently. The vast majority of them said that, you know, if I had the opportunity, the opportunity that you do to be able to spend more time with my kids, when they are young versus working in the way that I did, I would choose the former I would choose staying with, with my kids.
07:20
And also interesting, she had a conversation with the granddaughter of Walt Disney and she said the exact same thing and here you have someone who comes from this family where obviously there's a lot of wealth. There's a lot of prestige. There's a lot of things that should be doing and she also said the exact same thing.
07:38
It's important to invest in your kids first and foremost. Now again as I mentioned this is not a working mom, working dad type thing or a mom's thing at home or a dad's staying at home. The importance of it is that children do take a lot of our time.
07:54
In raising children, it's not easy. It's been one of the most difficult things that I personally have had to learn and I'm continuing to learn and in my own life trajectory for those of you who followed me with my first series, you know that I had this career in big law and I was on the up and up I was in renewable energy and it's it's a very growing area and the knowledge that I had and the partners that I was working at I was basically less than a few years from becoming a partner myself, But I realized that, a part of my decision for leaving, big law was my children.
08:38
I realized that I was not putting in enough time or the amount of time that I wanted to put into my relationship with them. I was only able to see them for for 30 minutes. And so part of my decision, I say part of it because there was other things, I went into the mix for leaving big law and and retiring from that respect was, I felt that I needed to play more of a father figure role.
09:03
A guide for my children, especially when they are young, especially when I have the opportunity and ability to be able to help them help mold them. And that's not necessarily dictating what they do. Because one of the things I do with my children is, I, I want them to be critical thinkers.
09:19
I wanted to question the things that I'm telling them because I want them to be able to make decisions for themselves as they get older, But part of that decision was my children and wanting more time. Now, am I a model example? Not by any means. Not at all.
09:34
I decided to do the things that was important for my life to get to the next point of my life. That I I saw that I needed to go, But the other aspect of it was from a religious standpoint, from my own faith as a Muslim consistently throughout the Quran.
09:51
The the concept of children is mentioned, numerous times In children itself is a huge test and that's why I equate investment in a test that at the same time, They're not anything to be looked at from a negative connotation or perhaps even a positive connotation. It's more of the fact that children truly are a big test from us and children can either causes us to get on the straight path to see her out, almost a keen, as what they call it and in Arabic, or they can cause us to divert away from that.
10:29
And children are a dormance of this world. So if you have kids, there are a test. And if you don't have kids, there are that's a big test of in itself. And so for me, in learning more about my faith, really, the Quran reading things related to to the son of problem.
10:47
Mohammed, peace be upon him. Has been related to the fact that with us as parents. We are going to be called to account. How did you raise your kids? How much time did you invest with them? What did you teach them? All of these things, you're going to be called to account.
11:04
How did you treat them? And our children are walking mirrors of ourselves. And I think for a while I was seeing things in my son because he was a walking mirror of me that I did not. Like and I realized I have to make changes because if he starts to pick up some of those habits, some of those things that I did not like in myself, I was not doing him, right?
11:29
Because children at the end of the day, they learn through observation, They learn through example. I remember with my own dad, he would teach me to pray. He would teach me to read Quran, But the thing that I remember the most are the things that he did. Not tell me I remember him.
11:48
Waking up for early morning, Fudge or prayer. And this is before the sun rose and he would be in the closet reading, the Quran. He would be doing his prayers and that's a thing that stuck out to me. The most was the things that he did by example, and not necessarily by what he told me to do.
12:07
And Praise be to God, to the state. I followed in, that example, I wake up for the hundred prayer. I read my Quran in the mornings and of course, there's not by any means to boast, but it's to show that here. I am 37 years old, and a lot of the things that my dad would do through example.
12:25
I'd do it or my mom, she would tutor me at. In first grade, I was at a third grade math level, and she would take the time to teach me these various things, and that's what I do with my son, every night. I spend time with them. So those things that we learn I learned through example, for my parents that I carry out for this day.
12:45
But I think the thing that used to scare me the most but it gives me a lot of hope. Now is the fact that when I die I know I will be called to account how the juraser son, how did you raise your daughters? What type of father figure what that?
13:01
What type of male figure were you for these kids? And before it scared me, because I was like, I don't know what, I will. How I will answer that. Yes, I'm showing them. That education is important. It is. Yes, I'm showing them that having a career is important and it is to, to do well in society to to serve and in that respect.
13:20
But what am I doing from the perspective of being a guide from them in this life as a Muslim, dad as a minority, father figure, as a male as someone who is trying to show them what it means to perhaps, be a model man And my wife is doing her own.
13:38
Pardon of course I will have to let her speak for herself but I was scared for the longest time because I asked myself what how am I gonna answer that when God asks me to to be accounted for in terms of my kids? But now I realize that how I'm allocating my time.
13:56
I'm investing in my children by putting more. More of the thing that was the most expensive for me, which was my time, allocating more of it to them. And while I may not necessarily see those things those seeds that have implanted and sprout. Now God willing, as they get older, I know that I will receive dividends on my investment to look at it from a business perspective because I do have a business background, I will be able to see, you know, reap what you sow, And it's interesting because I did ask my quarante.
14:30
Teacher one day, I said, look, what if a parent does everything that they're supposed to, and they tried to guide their kids and they do as much of a, as much as they can. What happens if they go straight? Because look, God is gonna guide who he wills and he will lead us straight.
14:46
Who he wills? And my Quran teacher tells me. He said, remain you do exactly what you're doing allocate time to them, teach them be a father figure, be a male figure be a mentor. Be a friend In the most important thing. Make dual make prayer for your children and every day.
15:05
I do pray for my kids. Allow them to be amongst the righteous. Allow them to be guided If they go astray because they will, I want astray lead them back to the Serato Mr. King guide them. The most important thing that you can do is pray for them But God will call you to account for your actions and if you've done everything that you can and for whatever reason they go astray, you've done your pardon.
15:28
The last thing you can do is pray for them, our children truly are an investment and they're a long term investment And we will be called to account on the day of judgment in terms of how we raised them. Now, this does not mean that you give up your job, you give every career you give up any of those things.
15:46
It means stop reflecting assess. What is it that you're doing? That's working. What are you doing? That needs to improve Now in the beginning, I told you about the story of Aaliyah. Planting those seats, One of the things that you learned through observation and it's not anything, you know, mind-shattering.
16:06
But one thing I've realized is that when you overwater a plant, when you consistently stay on it, it doesn't also help You have to eventually let it grow, give it some time to absorb the water, the nutrients, and then tend to it. Now I know there is going to be a point in my children's lives in my own life.
16:27
God bullying, if I'm alive to see that point that I'm gonna have to just let my children do what they need to do, use the tools that I've given them, but let them lead their own lives, and I'll be on the guidelines to to be there for them. And hopefully I'll do it from a non-judgmental standpoint, but I will have to let them grow up at a certain point on their own doing and using the tools that I've given them and what osteo's giving them given them.
16:54
But I won't necessarily always be there to guide them and just so like that plan, we're gonna have to let it just grow on its own at a certain point But until then it is our duty. It's our responsibility to be the types of parents and/or. Parent figures to children that are out there because look at one point or another we've all needed some type of mentor or some type of guide and we will continue to do so and you know as parents or parent figures we have a huge responsibility in.
17:27
Kids are going to be one of our biggest investments that will also count acetical jaria, which is basically when we pass away, the good de they do in the knowledge that they've learned will come back to benefit us.