In this UNLAWYERLY. moments Ramin talks about how we are putting more and more pressure on ourselves without release and reevaluation of that pressure.
In this UNLAWYERLY. moments Ramin talks about how we are putting more and more pressure on ourselves without release and reevaluation of that pressure.
00:01
When osteo sometimes, cooks of cooking, is the right word for this. She uses a pressure cooker. Now, some of you from Middle Eastern families or Middle Eastern backgrounds will understand the importance of pressure cookers. But it's interesting watching it because the way a pressure cooker works, is you fill it up with water put in whatever you need?
00:25
In this case, let's say beats. And then you put the lid on top and you seal the lid and you turn on the stovetop, and you just let it be. And after a certain period of time, all that hot air that is forming inside of it, because of the boiling water starts to build pressure.
00:47
And it builds pressure to the point that the pressure cooker, then just starts to eventually let off the steam and that's how you know, that something like the beats is prepared, but it builds up, it builds up, it builds up, it builds up and then finally, that pressure gets released.
01:08
But even then, there are some pressure cookers that you have to release the pressure yourself. And you have to be very careful. You have to wait for a while for the, to open the lid to let there. Now, you may be wondering Romine, why are we talking about pressure cookers?
01:25
Well, the topic of this on lawyerly moment has to do with why we put so much pressure on ourselves. I remember when I was working in big law, I think this was probably my third year and in the firm. There was a book that was popular and the name of the book was the art of not giving and insert the explicit explicitive there a very fascinating title and the author or whoever came up with the title was a genius, But the book had a lot of very salient points.
02:00
And one of the biggest takeaways that are received from the book, was this whole notion idea that the vast majority of us grow up with this thought. And this idea that, you know, every single one of us we're gonna make it and we're gonna make it big and every single one of us is as special and we deserve a gold star and look, you know, I'm part of the millennial generation.
02:26
So I'm not going to say that. Oh, you know, what was it? Something about snowflakes at the boomers were saying or anything like that, But the book had a very interesting message. And the message was that we grew up with this idea and thought that, you know, every single one of us are special and every single one of us we're gonna, you know, make it and we're gonna make it big, but look, if every single one of us makes big in the sense that the way that we see it in the movies and social media in, you know, magazines, all on magazines or whatever you want to look at it.
03:03
Well, where are the ordinary people? There are no ordinary people. In that case. And so, I feel that we've all grown up with this thought, in this idea that we need to constantly outdo ourselves. We need to constantly outdo our peers, you know. I remember when I was in high school, they had these books, that was something related to, you know, not necessarily the best of the best or the people who did well in high school.
03:37
And they, they had this book where they would put your picture and your name, and it was a way to sell things at the end of the day. But then you also have nowadays, you know, the top 20 other 20, the top 30 on their 30, and I think it stops her because after 30, it's like, well, you've kind of made it in life.
03:57
And so there was a top, 40 under 40 top, 50 under 50 or maybe there is, but I'm not aware of it, but I haven't seen those, But those things are really used to, you know, showcase look, look at how these people were under certain age was able to do these these great and vast things in, you know, just about every publication out there has come out with like the bus best and the best because everybody's looking for the best and the best.
04:24
But what these things do is it creates very unneeded pressure. And a lot of us including myself. I'm guilty of this creates the pressure to two more, be more and be the best of the best. And ultimately what that does is it does create this distress, this pressure kind of like that pressure cooker, where things start to build up and eventually gets to a certain point like that pressure cooker.
04:56
Where we are at a point where We're trying to figure out, what do we need to do next, to be able to set the benchmark or to set the marker set the bar higher in at a certain point? Just like in that book you know the art of not giving insert the explicit there It reaches a point where You can't continue to run at the pace that you were It on top of that.
05:23
A lot of us may not have the types of life experiences that we need or that we have at a certain point to be able to put that type of pressure. For example, when I was in my 20s I was ready to conquer the world and I'm still ready to conquer the world.
05:42
I just feel like I need to do it and I'm doing it at a more reasonable scale. A scale that is as very manageable with everything else that is important. But when we do put unnecessary pressure on our law and on ourselves, it does impact other aspects of our lives.
06:03
It does impact other aspects of our relationships. Whether those relationships are there with friends, with family, with our children, with even work colleagues, there's an insane amount of competition that often happens because at the very high spots, there's there's only a certain limited number. So, what am I saying?
06:24
Am I saying not to put pressure on yourself, because diamonds are created with pressure. Do we not want to be diamonds? No, I'm not saying not, the put pressure on ourselves. I think to a certain extent, a reasonable amount of pressure is needed to be able to, to grow to be able to move outside of our comfort zones, which is also equated with growth.
06:46
But I think it needs to be reasonable, you know, the type of pressure that you put on yourself needs to be in line with why are you doing what you're doing? Is it just to say that you got your name on the list of, you know, the best of the best, the top 20 under 20, top, 30 under 30.
07:06
And look, when I was in big law, I was nominated for one of those upcoming lawyers for energy practice That was excited. I was like, you know, look at me, I'm about to be on one of these lists, but then I thought to myself, I was like, okay. So what So what if that were to happen if I get my name on the list, what does that mean?
07:28
It's just gonna mean that I need to put more pressure on myself to to get further up there and of course you want to be the best at what you're doing. You want to excel at what you're doing, especially if it's within your craft, but you also have to make sure that that type of expectation doesn't cost the other other things that are important in your life, to fall in the wayside, I do understand for certain people getting certain accolades or moving up in life in your career is important.
08:00
And that's okay too but I think it ultimately goes down to what does it mean for you? What is it ultimately going to do for you? I've gotten into cycling, especially once I officially retired from from big law. And the thing with cycling, I'm talking about indoor cycling is in order to get your heart rate to get to the next zone, you have to add a certain level of resistance, You need resistance to be able to go from zone to zone, two zone three And depending on the type of ride that you're doing.
08:41
For example, there's rides where it's a recovery ride, where you're trying to say in zone, one zone, two warm up ride, where it gradually gets into, you know, design zone, three. And then there's a hit once high intensity workouts, where you immediately try to get in zone three and zone 4.
08:59
And the way to control that is for the most part related to the resistance, the amount of resistance that you put on the bike. And so, you know, depending on the ride that you're doing, you have to put a certain level of resistance to move through the zone, but one of the instructor things that the instructions, a constructors often tell us is be aware of where your heart rate is at too.
09:22
You don't want to get into zone 4 and so in five, so early in the game that it burns you out. And so you decrease your resistance or if you realize that you've just been kind of mellowing out and hanging out in zone one, when you should be in zone two or zoom three, you need to increase your resistance, but a lot of that goes into you being honest with yourself.
09:43
So look, if you're able to handle more pressure than the other person. Yeah, you put on more pressure. If you're able to juggle X, Y and Z thing, and you're able to do well, then do it. And I'm talking from a place of experience early on from us as long as I can remember.
10:03
I did put a lot of pressure on myself and it did cause me to excel excel in the sense of being considered successful from, you know, the the accolades, the achievements, the monetary sense. And then I reach a certain point where I just realized. Do I really want this type of pressure on me?
10:27
Do I really want to continue going at the rate that I have in each time moving further and further up that mountain but not necessarily having it equate to my Y, Just doing it, our force of habit. And so I started asking myself, Why am I doing the things that am I doing?
10:47
And you know, if you're asking, well, remain, did you reach burn out a certain point? Perhaps I did Perhaps the reached a point and time where I just realized that what I was doing was no longer in line with my Y, with my purpose or my purpose changed. My value system changed.
11:06
You guys know I'm very big on value systems, But I realized that developed a system that I started making decisions. And, you know, the certain amount of pressure that I was putting on myself. I was doing out of force of habit and so I stopped. I changed what I was doing.
11:25
I took some of the pressure off, and I realized that Going at a hundred miles per hour, is not always needed, And yes, 100 problem miles per hour. Consistently does lead to burnout because you do need recovery time. You do need time to just be to be still to be silent and so what I did was I said I want a more slow paced life.
11:50
I want a life where I can go at a certain pace where it's not. Constantly go go. But still Be successful. And if that's success is not on the grand scheme of things, that's fine, because success rarely is on the grand scheme of things. It's getting moving inch by inch feet by feet that over time.
12:18
When you look back, you realize Hey I've come a long way In order to do that. I think we all need to at some point realize we have to take some of that pressure off and we have to know when to do it because otherwise, it may reach a certain point where we're forced to do it to look pressure's.
12:40
Not a bad thing. Pressure is needed to grow. Pressure is needed to form diamonds and we all want to be diamonds and some respects in our lives. But I think we have to really look at our lives and determine how much pressure are we putting. Is that pressure necessary and are we giving ourselves time to alleviate some of that pressure?
13:03
Just like in that pressure cooker? If we never let that steam out at a certain point that pressure is going to blow. It's going to pop Now. Trust me, we don't want to do that with our own lives. We don't want to get to that point where we haven't let that steam be removed or let go or released.
13:23
We want to give ourselves some opportunity to be able to re-energize assess what we're doing. Look at our wise and decide. Hey, Are we going to continue to go out the pace that we are? And look for me, I feel like I've already climbed one mountain and I'm on this other.
13:44
The second mountain as they they call it. I'm finding. This second mountain, to be a lot more challenging, but I feel like I'm in control of the type of pressure that I'm putting on myself, and it's exciting because it's not going at the rate of the climb of the first mountain.
14:06
It's going more at how I want it to be. And you know, it's gonna reach a point where I'll look back. And I realize that, you know, the pressure that was putting on myself was an amount that I was able to handle.